in
day by day life we face a lot of challenges. Probably the most common
of all is to build a career and to maintain your relationships with your
family and loved ones as well as finding a partner and building a life
together. These two areas are the main focus in our lives and they can
be source of lots of unhappiness or the source of true happiness. Most
of us live in some kind of a relationship. Some are real, then some are
fake and the partners are pretending that everything is alright, but
deep inside they know that this is not true and sooner or later this is
going to end. Some of you know what the problem is, some of you don't,
some try to do something about it, and some wait for the other half to
make the first step.
One of the very common things we do is blame
others or we blame external factors for not being happy in a
relationship or for being single. The truth is that in most of the cases
the problem is YOU.
1. You, like most of us might think that
money can buy everything. Well, that might be true in some respects but
money can't replace human connections.
Well money can bring us a
whole lot of joy and happiness, and we can buy almost anything we want.
What we cannot buy is true happiness and the knowing that people around
us, especially the people who are important to us, like, accept, love
and respect us for our real value as a person and not for our
achievements like money, position or career. Another thing to think
about is, do you indeed need that much money to be happy, is that your
value at all or is it just a fake reflection of your life and a way to
please yourself and others.
2. You may think that if you work harder and earn more money, your family or loved ones will be happier and more secure.
This
is only half the truth, the problem in the end is that we become
absolute strangers to our children, spouses, or our boyfriend,
girlfriend and other members of the family. We work really hard to earn
more money therefore we spend less and less time with our family and
when we finally come home, we are too stressed out and too tired or even
worse, we take our work home with us. Cold hard cash can't compensate
for loneliness and feelings of abandonment.
3. You may think, " If
I work hard enough for at least 5 years, I can finally slow down and
have more time for myself and my family! "
When you take a
decision such as this one, and, best case scenario, your family agree
more or less with it, the question remains, how can you be sure that
this is going to happen? In today's political and economical milieu it
is really difficult to predict anything in the long run, in particular a
5 year plan in your work or business. You may have to change your
business strategy, your workplace, probably even the place where you
live, so you may find yourself with another 5 year plan before you know
it.
4. You might think, "I can't be bothered now to build any kind
of relationships, I need to concentrate on my career, on my business,
when I'm established I will have time and money to engage in such
things."
It is all well and good in your early twenties, but when
you're hitting 30 and beyond, it is possibly wise to start thinking
about a relationship's long-term prospects. And you may have to consider
the possibility that you might have a self esteem problem. A
relationship does not necessarily need more money, what it needs is more
of YOU, more of your qualities as a person.
5. "I don't care,
this is my way and I know what I'm doing! I don't need anybody or
anything now, I'm comfortable this way and to be honest I already had
some bad experience."
Fair play if this is your way. Don't bother
if you really feel this way. It is your choice and it is alright. All of
us had bad experiences and most of us felt this way more then once. The
only difference is that we still cry and in the meantime pretend to be
what we are not, or we learn from the past and think that it may be time
we changed something and be happy in the end. You can pretend, play
games and think that you are above every little trick that you are in a
way untraceable and cool. The only question is, are you really happy and
comfortable. No hard feelings and no regrets, no self-regret and no
fear to start again and no fear to be alone.
6. "My way or the
highway, I don't accept any compromise, any other way. I work hard and
live hard! I have heard a lot of these things before and none of them
are worth a dime. Things in life are not that easy and are not romantic.
And it has been proven that in the end money talks and the rest will
follow!"
I agree. Why not, in the end you are the Master of your
own life, you decide on what and how, when and what, whom with and for
how long, what the rules are and what are the rewards. But you have to
bear in mind that after all this, one day you will find yourself alone,
bitter, angry, disappointed and with the feeling that nobody understands
you. You had your on way, you played by your own rules and you lived by
your own statute. And what have you achieved? What are you in the end?
Are you happy? Are you comfortable with what you have achieved? Because
if not, do you think that you will be later on? Try to answer these
questions to yourself as genuinely as you can.
7. You may think "My family is supporting me and they always understand me no matter what."
I
don't want to disappoint you, this might be working well in the
beginning, but after a while things start to change slowly and in almost
all cases and painfully as well. One of the problems that may arise is
that you will not receive more recognition or at least not in the way
that you might expect. What is recognition? In the end we receive
recognition when we bring good news or when we do something
extraordinary, good or useful and beneficial. The fact that you try
harder does not guarantee that you may gain in the end some kind of
recognition. You are probably not there when your family needs you, they
may need something but they don't want to bother you, you may need
something but you don't tell them because you feel in a way guilty. This
will bring the communication to an end and everybody will try to find
understanding and comfort somewhere else.
8. Most of us think that
their family is just the same like many other families with their
struggles and fights and they survive and they are al right. Most of us
might also think that without understanding, sacrifice and compromise
what a relationship is after all. Some of us also think that without
money, love is not worth a penny.
It is true, without sacrifice
and compromise a relationship is not going to work in the long run.
Another aspect that has to be taken into consideration as well is that
times are changing and with time the way we live our life is changing
too. We have to ask ourselves what do we consider as being a compromise
and what other values do we add to our relationship. Whatever worked for
the older generation is more then probably considered archaic and wont
work on today's generation. What yesterday was in fashion or was a
conventional fact, today is history. There are traditions and there is
progress and both aspects need to be taken into consideration.
9.
You might think that all you need is Power, Sex, Money We all heard
these concepts of life, and mostly from men, rarely from women. If you
look closely, you realize that most "successful" people are not really
happy. They live their lives according to schedule, with when and how
they graduate, with when and how they shall be successful, with when and
how they build up their career or business, plan their marriage, their
kids, and the list goes on. This encoded life after a while becomes
boring and empty. You forget the meaning of life; you forget how to
live. This is an illusion, the illusion that with money and power you
can buy happiness, but in the meantime you live a life empty of any real
feelings, a contrived and sad existence, without the power to change.
10. You may think that Coexistence, Sex and Love are three different things.
Most
men and women think this way and there are many reasons why. Some of
the issues are deep and painful, some of them are just little scrapes on
the surface. Life is very fragile and very short. If you are not
capable to find a partner to give you all the three above mentioned
pleasures, you will be lost in details and never be really happy. If you
want to change you can change. If you want to achieve and fulfill your
dreams you can do so. Most of your life depends on you, on your
decisions, on what energy and courage you use to be where you want to
be.
